◊ Being called 'Mother Period' by a grateful student that just found out that we give out free sanitary towels and tampons and moon cups.
◊ Sitting in the staircase with a group of friends I'd just met eating pizza, waiting for another friend to finish whomever she was in her bedroom with so we could come in to grab our stuff and leave. Because, you see, it was three in the morning and three hours later I was scheduled to work, so I really should have been going by then. But at that point, that didn't matter. All that mattered was the people, the staircase and the pizza.
◊ When he called me drunk in the middle of the night and told me he misses me and I told him I miss him too. It's nice to mean something like that to someone again.
To be honest, I genuinely can't believe I managed to get through all of this. But I did. And here I am. Single. Strong. Sad. And longing home. Not for that home I thought I had with you. That home you took away from me. But a home which is mine. Just mine.
Over the past year I've felt like everything has been taken away from me. Over and over again, I hit rock bottom. And at times I couldn't see how I would be able to get through it. But I did. First, with your help. And then with everyone else's. And looking back I can't believe how I managed to but I did. I did it.
I've fallen so many times this year. But now, I stand on my own. I stand with my own. Everything that was taken I've claimed back. With the help of my friends and family and myself I've claimed it all back. And I claimed it all back for myself. So that this time no one will be able to take it away.
This home, this me, this life, this happiness, sadness, hopelessness and optimism, it's all me. It's all mine. And I can't wait to live it. I can't wait to go home.
But then again, I'm also sometimes not ok. I'm also sometimes still awake at 4am unable to sleep. Looking out at the summer night sky and listening to music and trying to not think about you. Even though all I want to do is think about you.
But just because I sometimes still can't sleep doesn't mean that I am not ok. Because I am ok. I'm dealing with it, and every day, every night, the dealing gets easier. I'm ok. But I'm also sometimes awake at 4am thinking about you.
One week ago I was on the streets of Brighton. Running around in nothing but my pjs, howling like a wounded animal. I had gone home and found me. I'd then gone back and I found I no longer had you.
Today I'm back again at the airport, back exactly here one week two weeks later. And I look back at the last two weeks and think of what I had and what I didn't. How everything's changed.