To be honest, I genuinely can't believe I managed to get through all of this. But I did. And here I am. Single. Strong. Sad. And longing home. Not for that home I thought I had with you. That home you took away from me. But a home which is mine. Just mine.
Over the past year I've felt like everything has been taken away from me. Over and over again, I hit rock bottom. And at times I couldn't see how I would be able to get through it. But I did. First, with your help. And then with everyone else's. And looking back I can't believe how I managed to but I did. I did it.
I've fallen so many times this year. But now, I stand on my own. I stand with my own. Everything that was taken I've claimed back. With the help of my friends and family and myself I've claimed it all back. And I claimed it all back for myself. So that this time no one will be able to take it away.
This home, this me, this life, this happiness, sadness, hopelessness and optimism, it's all me. It's all mine. And I can't wait to live it. I can't wait to go home.
But then again, I'm also sometimes not ok. I'm also sometimes still awake at 4am unable to sleep. Looking out at the summer night sky and listening to music and trying to not think about you. Even though all I want to do is think about you.
But just because I sometimes still can't sleep doesn't mean that I am not ok. Because I am ok. I'm dealing with it, and every day, every night, the dealing gets easier. I'm ok. But I'm also sometimes awake at 4am thinking about you.
One week ago I was on the streets of Brighton. Running around in nothing but my pjs, howling like a wounded animal. I had gone home and found me. I'd then gone back and I found I no longer had you.
Today I'm back again at the airport, back exactly here one week two weeks later. And I look back at the last two weeks and think of what I had and what I didn't. How everything's changed.
♦ ♦ ♦
2016 is here and anti-immigration parties and groups have started it by taking on the issue of sexual assault. Pegida organised massive demonstrations against the issue, UKIP politicians codemned the perpetrators, and I’m personally only waiting for pigs to start flying too. I mean, these are the people my friends and I have spent years arguing with over why feminism isn’t humanism and why a maybe when it comes to consenting isn’t a yes, the people who have called us hysteric feminists for telling them off for making rape jokes and man haters for criticising the patriarchy. In my eyes, these groups do not have a record for standing behind women’s issues, so excuse me if I’m hesitant to applaud their new approach in response to the sexual assaults in Cologne.
The sexual assaults on New Years Eve in Cologne has become major international headlines, with many left appalled by the story. However, it wasn’t until a few days after that the police announced the full story, the full scale of the harrassments, and one more piece of information was announced; a lot of the assaulters were of foreign descent. This is where the anti-immigration groups became involved in the story, with the anti-islamic group Pegida criticising Germany’s immigration policies, and Farage warning the UK that similar situations could soon take place in Britain too, thanks to EU immigration law. They’re concerned about sexual assault, but only in relation to their anti-immigration agenda.
To sum it up, Pegida supporters and UKIP politicians are taking a stand against these perpetrators and condemn sexual assault, which is good. Only, they’re blaming it all on the influence of foreign culture, basically saying that these men sexually assaulted women because they’re foreign, and reducing immigration would solve the problem. As if women aren’t assaulted every day, by men of every culture and every nationality. Anti-immigration parties and groups have come forward blaming sexual assault on ethniticy and culture, despite rape culture being alive and well worldwide. Sexual assaults aren’t exclusive to a certain ethnicity; perpetrators of sexual violence are predominently men of any ethnicity and culture.
In response to the sexual assaults in Cologne, many women went to twitter to tell their stories of sexual assaults. How they, from as early as 12 years old, have been assaulted by men. Cornered up by class mates, touched up by friends, made use of by colleagues. However, I have so far seen no support from anti-immigration groups to these posts. Where is Pegida’s outrage over the increase of sexual assaults during oktoberfest? Where is Farage’s condemnation of sexual violence in the UK, where 77% of perpetrators are white? They don’t seem to want to know about the problems of rape culture in european societies, with predominently european perpetrators. They only seem to listen to our stories of sexual assaults if they can use it against immigrants; they’ll only deal with our problem if the solution is reducing immigration.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for victims of sexual assaults being supported, and for sexual assaulters being internationally condemned. I just refuse to have women's causes kidnapped by racists who blame sexual assault on ethnicity, when women, or indeed all genders, are sexually assaulted by perpetrators of all cultures and backgrounds. Reducing immigration wouldn’t solve this problem. Attacking the existence of rape culture in european societies would. So, as it turns out, it’s 2016 and nothing is really new under the sun. Supporters of anti-immigration groups are most probable to keep on calling me and my friends hysteric feminists, and to use anything they can find to further their own political agenda.
Translation; I got really angry over how anti-immigration groups uses sexual harrassment to further their own political agenda, and wrote a piece on it.