And then, suddenly, it hits you. Everything just gets too much, and you have to grab a hold of the counter to stay steady. Make a conscious effort to stay standing.
Life is ups and downs, and over the past few months you've travelled far. From homeless and hopeless and with a galaxy of despair roaring in your chest to a functionable human being, with routines and prepared lunches and a big pack of schampoo standing in the shower. Compared to where you were in august, you're doing well.
But then it hits you, and all the progress you've made just washes away. You don't know what the reason is. Maybe his message. Maybe that you haven't slept enough. Maybe that you haven't eaten for a while. Maybe that you haven't talked to your dad for months. It doesn't really matter. After feeling so well for so long falling down again was long overdue.
Leaning against the counter whilst the pasta is cooking, you cry and you cry and you cry. Like you haven't cried for months. And for a moment, you fear that that bottomless pit of despair that encompassed your entire being during the summer months has opened up again. Thank god it hasn't. This pit isn't bottomless. You can still stay standing.
You make your dinner, go up to your room. Put on a film, call Oscar and then when Evelyn gets home you make tea and talk whilst she bakes cookies. This will happen. It will hit you, out of nowhere it will come back and hit you like a sledge hammer. You can't prevent that. All you can do is just to make sure that you stay standing.
Two things are certain in life. You are going to make progress, and you are going to fall down. Remember, you're strong, but you're not invincible.